Baseball from Evolution? — The A-theist Solution.

By George, I think I got it. Yes, I’m sure I got it. Especially after reading the posts by the same old a-theists, with a couple more jumping in for good measure. Yep, I got it. I finally understand the a-theist view of the universe and how it got here. Here it is:

One day out of nothing and from nowhere a baseball bat appeared.
Since it was a baseball bat, it began to swing itself in the non-existent air, which didn’t exist yet.
Well, after millions of years that got old. Real old.
So, natural selection, which didn’t exist yet either, decided the bat needed a baseball. So, out of nowhere and nothing, this baseball appeared.
The bat through evolutionary determination by natural selection, which has, according to Dawkins, no motivation, or goal, began to hit the baseball. Because, the ball traveled through the air, which didn’t exist yet, it had to follow the ball to hit it again. This went on for an unknown period of hundreds of millions of years.
Of all things, again, out of nothing and nowhere three bases and a home plate appeared. Of course, the bat didn’t know what they were for, but it kept on swinging anyway. That’s called intelligent ignorance.
The bat hit the ball, the ball traveled, but the bases just floated there in nothingness nowhere. Then, of all things a baseball field appeared through natural selection. Remember, natural selection isn’t here yet.
Eventually, the bat and ball felt the wind, which came from nowhere and nothing. This made the ball fly further, or shorter, depending on the direction the wind blew.
Well, after a billion more years or so, natural selection caused Yogi B. to show up and wait behind the home plate for the ball. Nothing happened, so he spent his time figuring out what to do when the fork in the road should show up.
So, another half a billion years went by and Joe D. showed up in the field. He began to throw the ball back to Yogi, who tossed the ball in the air so the bat could hit it. You can begin to see now how evolution works with a-theists.
Eventually, the whole field had players and fans in it that came from nowhere and from nothing, except natural selection worked things backwards, after it arrived. It caused a reversal of all those people in the field to have offspring that went backward and forward. The forward ones stayed the same, and the backwards ones went back to a common ancestor which was then built by natural selection to look more like a monkey/ape/chimp/orangutan etc. etc. etc.
In the meantime, another miracle caused by gravitational force on nothing from nowhere caused the land for the field to appear. It grew larger by the millennium and became the earth. It’s called the Hawking Law for appearances from nowhere and nothingness using only gravity and speculation. Speculation came in great later for what turned into the stock market.

Finally, natural selection caused itself to appear, somewhat late, but what the heck, this is evolution and incarnation of all these things from nothing and from nowhere.
As the years went by new people appeared on the field and in the stands. The group on the field were called TEAM. The TEAM branched out like a tree into pitchers, catchers, first baseman, third baseman, shortstop, left field, right field, center field, stand up fight fight fight. And, lastly second base. Nothing appeared in order, it was all chaos. The final twigs on the tree were owners, coaches, umpires, and failures, because of the three strikes your out rule caused by natural selection.
Another tree branch pattern evolved out of nothing and nowhere for the people who began filling up the new stand that appeared to hold them. The branches of this tree gave us names like, bums, gamblers, clerks, hot dog sellers, coke vendors, Presidents, and more. It was a gigantic tree.
Finally, a-theists came along and said, well, all this came about because a baseball bat got lonely and needed some activity, and ergo, the game of baseball was evolved from nothing and nowhere. That’s why it’s so boring and slow. It took a long time to evolve. And, still seems to be doing that slow process: “given enough time.”
Yep, I’m sure I got it now.
Now, we “know” that with the degeneration that natural selection caused in running backwards, that baseball actually came from chimpanzees using sticks to hit rocks around the rosy until they became the finest baseball team in evolutionary advancement in all of history, which hasn’t finished yet. Never mind that the baseball bat appeared from nothing and nowhere first before anything else.
Now, that we knowall this, there is never a need to debate a-theists.
We can now see clearly, everything came from nothing and nowhere without any design or goal or intellectual input, and no creator. It just all turned into a baseball field, with players, who won Ford automobiles for excellent play, following naturally selected rules, suggested and inferred by natural selection, who became a real baseball fanatic, to make the game exciting. It didn’t.
No one to this day knows who made the Ford automobiles cause they only grow on trees.
That’s it. No more debates necessary. The a-theists have won. They have clearly explained the whole thing and did what Darwin couldn’t. They have given us the ORIGIN of the species called baseball teams, which has created an amazing civilization called fans. A later breakoff from the baseball game family tree was “hey batter batter,” and, “kill the umpire.”
Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Author: Bob Petry

Student of the Bible since 1953. And am still learning.